Walking with someone through the last moments of their life is a fairly rare occurrence, unless you're a priest that is. Death does not always give due notice and so it often catches many by surprise although, paradoxically, it is one of those very few things in life we know will happen. Perhaps we will be able to say that final goodbye to one of our parents or loved ones but certainly not all of them. It is the "when" that catches us by surprise, of course, not death itself. And so it is a special grace for the one dying and their loved ones to have some proximate warning that he or she is dying so as to prepare as best as one can.
How many times have we prayed to Mary: "pray for us now and at the hour of our death"? She certainly assists us now and will do so at the hour of our death whether this comes suddenly and without warning or is somewhat anticipated. Nonetheless, what a blessing it is to have the grace to prepare oneself to meet Christ face to face at the moment of death. I would like to share just one of those moments with you.
On a day not long ago I received 2 messages within a very short amount of time. Written on red paper to indicate a "sick call" I looked at them and they were both said urgent "not sure how long he will live". I went to the first house. It was man I had anointed about 6 weeks earlier. I remembered him because there was something very dignified yet simple about him. He didn't have the sophisticated look of a rich man but of a man full of virtue. As the message indicated, he didn't look well. His eyes were half open at best. He sat in his chair noticeably uncomfortable as he repeatedly tried to reposition himself although he didn't have the strength even to budge. He slowly mumbled out the words that he was dying. When I asked him how he felt when he thought about dying he said "happy". This wasn't the "happy" of a desperate or bitter man who had given up his struggle to fight on. Rather, his was a "happy" of man who knew where, or rather, to Whom he was going. I didn't need to ask him to explain.
As I prepared to administer the Sacrament of Anointing of the Sick, probably his last time, I told him not to worry about making the sign of the cross or trying to say the responses. Instead, "your heart can do the talking", I told him. His care giver was in the room, a woman in her 40's. I began: "The grace and peace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you". After a pause, he gathered up his energy and breathed out "and also with you". I wasn't about to tell not to talk. I spoke to him about the grace of the sacrament, how it was Christ himself who was lying hands on him and anointing him through me. I mentioned that all of his sin were forgiven and through the prayer of Apostolic Pardon all debt due to sin loosed. In others words, our Lord had come to get him himself, maybe today maybe in 10 years but he's good and ready.
At the end of the rite of anointing I said "let us pray in the words Christ taught us". As I began the Our Father I realized he was once again gathering his strength to join his voice to mine. I waited and we slowly continued together and prayed the Our Father to our Father.
That is dying with dignity. It has nothing to do with the suffering, the tubes and the like, it has to do with the man connected to them.
I realized it had been a half hour and that I had another man gravely ill to anoint. I arrived at his house within 5 minutes and meet several people inside. Two of his daughters, 3 other younger relatives, a hospice worker, and nurse were waiting for me. I entered the room with the family, pulled up a chair next the man lying in his bed with his oxygen mask. His breathing was deep and intermittent. He was struggling to breath, gasping. It didn't take a medical degree to realize death was quickly approaching.
I asked the family if their dad was responsive and they said "no", that he didn't make any physical movements or reactions to their words. I told them that while his body may not be responding he very well might be quite conscious nonetheless. Sitting in the chair next to the man I held his hand and introduced myself to him. "Hi, 'Jim', I am Fr. Brendan from Our Lady of Guadalupe Church and I have to come anoint you and prepare you for God." Then, I invited the family to participate with me in praying the Rite of Anointing of the Sick. All of us slowly and solemnly made the sign as if we were learning how for the first time. I turned to the side and greeted the Italian family who energetically responded "And also with you". Next I encouraged the dying man and the family to join me in calling to mind our sins and ask for God's mercy. Once again they actively responded..."Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy, Lord have mercy".
...And the man stopped breathing.
The daughters let out a big sigh. "Oh my God, he stopped breathing" As they called in the nurse I immediately stood up, leaned over the man and anointed him while praying the formula of anointing: Through this holy anointing, may our Lord in his love and mercy help you with the grace of the Holy Spirit. Amen. So that freed from sin he may save you and raise you us. Amen" Just then the nurse rushed in, listed to his heart with her stethoscope and gave me that infamous look you see on TV where they just shake their head once very slowly without saying anything.
The first thing I remember hearing from one of the daughters is "Thank you, thank you Jesus". The other daughter then echoed the same prayer. I understood. This was exactly my first words when my grandma died. Perhaps their reasons were a little different than mine but I understood. The told me several times within the next 10 minutes how grateful they were that a priest come and anointed their father. I, in turn, thanked them for calling me. It was an emotional time for me too. I was caught up in it all myself.
I sat back down in the chair after the nurse noted the time of death and the initial shock of the family passed. Once again, I invited the family to continue to pray with me for their father. We continued with the beautiful prayers for the dead. It reminded me that death is a passage, something more profound and personal than the time of death. This was Jim's passover and we were going to join him as much as we could through prayer. We invoked the saints, we gave thanks, and commended to him to God.
What a beautiful death!
Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen!
Friday, April 25, 2008
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Ghostbusters 101
I don't know if I was "sick" the day they taught us about ghosts in the seminary but I found myself ill-prepared the first time I was called to a house because they said they had a ghost. Ummm, OK. Do I grab a bible, rosary, holy water, is there a special prayer for Ghosts somewhere? Should I look under "G" for ghosts or "S" for spirits? What a minute! Do ghosts exist?
I had never given much thought about the existence of Ghosts before. I suppose my philosophy was: as long as they don't bother me I don't care too much whether or not they exist". Now that I am a priest the question has been forced upon me. I can't stand in the shadows and be nonchalant about it. People have called me at least a dozen times in the last year and half to do something.
Is there a ghost litmus test that I can give so that I can know whether there really is a ghost in their house? Wouldn't that be great? "Sorry, ma'am the test came back negative. No ghosts here" Or "Yes, my analysis shows there is ghost. Now I will......" What; what will I do?
Here is my first memorable ghost story:
At a catholic school function a parent I knew told me she had a ghost in her house. She seemed like a "normal", rational person, no more crazy than myself. The woman told me that the spirit didn't appear to be dangerous but there was no doubt that a ghost was in their house. Her husband, children, and neighbors had all experienced things moving, lights be turned off or on, strange sounds and the like. I thought nothing of this. I had no opinion on ghosts. I neither believed nor disbelieved in them...until this night.
I agreed to go over to their house that night with another family and some friends of theirs. After some social time we decided to address this ghost situation. The family told me that the previous owner was a women who lived there for many years and loved hosting parties in her home. Furthermore, the ghost seemed to always be present in or around the dining room. So, we gathered around the dinning room in a circle. There were about 12 of us. The lady next to be said "let's join hands". I immediately responded "No! This isn't a seance; we're going to prayer to God".
Not having any idea what to do, no text, no ritual - I prayed something like this: "God of love, you created us in your own image and likeness and you call us to yourself. I ask you to call your servant home to you now. Mary (the former owner and supposed ghost) don't be afraid of God. God is love and he calls you home. Let go of whatever is keeping you here. What awaits you is a God of love and mercy. Trust is him and go home. Leave this house now and let this family live her in peace. In name of Jesus leave this home and return to the God who created you."
Next, I asked for a bowl with water, blessed it, and went around the house blessing each room. As soon as I began I was so cold that I couldn't keep the water from spilling out of the bowl. I was shivering. I thought NOTHING of it, understandably assumed I was just really cold. After blessing the rooms we all returned to the dinning room for a final prayer. It was then that I looked at the lady to my left who owned the house. She was wearing a sleeveless dress. It immediately caught my attention and so I asked her "aren't you cold?" She said "no". I said, "I am freezing".
I left soon after the final prayer and when I got into my car I remembered that that this freezing sensation is often associated with ghosts. Was it a ghost? I don't know. However, the family tells me that they haven't experienced the ghost sense the blessing.
There are have been a couple of other ghost experiences that seemed really credible. What I do know is that God is more powerful than anything we will ever encounter. For that reason I have not been afraid at all. I don't come with my power but with faith and the power of God, the intercession of his mother, the saints, and the gift of my baptism and ordination.
I should add that I have never experienced anything that I would describe as demonic. That would be a different story completely.
What dumbfounds me are the countless calls that I receive from Latinos who tell me that they have a ghost in their house, they've seen a demon, or there's a shadow following them or their children. I never want to be cynical but the calls are so common and the stories so odd. Is it superstition or a psychological manifestation of some other problem? These calls are usually masked under the question "Can you bless my house". After a year or so of priesthood I have finally smartened up enough to ask them if they have just moved into their house or apartment and they almost always tell me "no". Then I ask them why they want their home blessed and they always tell me because they "see things" or something strange in going on in their house. Errrrrrrrr.
My next move is to ask them if they are baptized, go to Mass on Sunday's, have gone to confession recently and pray daily. The answer is usually "no". I also ask if anyone in the family is involved in superstition, palm readers, witch doctors (not uncommon among Latinos) and the like. As any good doctor would do I assign a healthy spiritual diet of the sacraments and prayer for 3 months and tell them to give me a call back if the problem continues. The medicine seems to be working.
Back to the issue - why all the sightings? Why are they almost all Latinos? One of the common things that several families have described to me is the experience of being held down in bed as if someone was sitting on their chest. They tell me they can't move and can hardly breath. After so many calls like this the similarity interests me and at times frustrates me. More than anything I wish to understand better so that I can serve these people better.
What do you think?
I had never given much thought about the existence of Ghosts before. I suppose my philosophy was: as long as they don't bother me I don't care too much whether or not they exist". Now that I am a priest the question has been forced upon me. I can't stand in the shadows and be nonchalant about it. People have called me at least a dozen times in the last year and half to do something.
Is there a ghost litmus test that I can give so that I can know whether there really is a ghost in their house? Wouldn't that be great? "Sorry, ma'am the test came back negative. No ghosts here" Or "Yes, my analysis shows there is ghost. Now I will......" What; what will I do?
Here is my first memorable ghost story:
At a catholic school function a parent I knew told me she had a ghost in her house. She seemed like a "normal", rational person, no more crazy than myself. The woman told me that the spirit didn't appear to be dangerous but there was no doubt that a ghost was in their house. Her husband, children, and neighbors had all experienced things moving, lights be turned off or on, strange sounds and the like. I thought nothing of this. I had no opinion on ghosts. I neither believed nor disbelieved in them...until this night.
I agreed to go over to their house that night with another family and some friends of theirs. After some social time we decided to address this ghost situation. The family told me that the previous owner was a women who lived there for many years and loved hosting parties in her home. Furthermore, the ghost seemed to always be present in or around the dining room. So, we gathered around the dinning room in a circle. There were about 12 of us. The lady next to be said "let's join hands". I immediately responded "No! This isn't a seance; we're going to prayer to God".
Not having any idea what to do, no text, no ritual - I prayed something like this: "God of love, you created us in your own image and likeness and you call us to yourself. I ask you to call your servant home to you now. Mary (the former owner and supposed ghost) don't be afraid of God. God is love and he calls you home. Let go of whatever is keeping you here. What awaits you is a God of love and mercy. Trust is him and go home. Leave this house now and let this family live her in peace. In name of Jesus leave this home and return to the God who created you."
Next, I asked for a bowl with water, blessed it, and went around the house blessing each room. As soon as I began I was so cold that I couldn't keep the water from spilling out of the bowl. I was shivering. I thought NOTHING of it, understandably assumed I was just really cold. After blessing the rooms we all returned to the dinning room for a final prayer. It was then that I looked at the lady to my left who owned the house. She was wearing a sleeveless dress. It immediately caught my attention and so I asked her "aren't you cold?" She said "no". I said, "I am freezing".
I left soon after the final prayer and when I got into my car I remembered that that this freezing sensation is often associated with ghosts. Was it a ghost? I don't know. However, the family tells me that they haven't experienced the ghost sense the blessing.
There are have been a couple of other ghost experiences that seemed really credible. What I do know is that God is more powerful than anything we will ever encounter. For that reason I have not been afraid at all. I don't come with my power but with faith and the power of God, the intercession of his mother, the saints, and the gift of my baptism and ordination.
I should add that I have never experienced anything that I would describe as demonic. That would be a different story completely.
What dumbfounds me are the countless calls that I receive from Latinos who tell me that they have a ghost in their house, they've seen a demon, or there's a shadow following them or their children. I never want to be cynical but the calls are so common and the stories so odd. Is it superstition or a psychological manifestation of some other problem? These calls are usually masked under the question "Can you bless my house". After a year or so of priesthood I have finally smartened up enough to ask them if they have just moved into their house or apartment and they almost always tell me "no". Then I ask them why they want their home blessed and they always tell me because they "see things" or something strange in going on in their house. Errrrrrrrr.
My next move is to ask them if they are baptized, go to Mass on Sunday's, have gone to confession recently and pray daily. The answer is usually "no". I also ask if anyone in the family is involved in superstition, palm readers, witch doctors (not uncommon among Latinos) and the like. As any good doctor would do I assign a healthy spiritual diet of the sacraments and prayer for 3 months and tell them to give me a call back if the problem continues. The medicine seems to be working.
Back to the issue - why all the sightings? Why are they almost all Latinos? One of the common things that several families have described to me is the experience of being held down in bed as if someone was sitting on their chest. They tell me they can't move and can hardly breath. After so many calls like this the similarity interests me and at times frustrates me. More than anything I wish to understand better so that I can serve these people better.
What do you think?
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